regardless

when the morning breaks
all blackness erased
and the day before
can be seen no more

you're still in my heart
though distant as the stars
not in space but in time
its your journey, follow the signs

as you take your own path
i seek mine and don't look back
eyes forward, peripheral vision off
each step i feel, each step i walk

i know exactly what i want
ready to receive and nurture
for what i've settled for in the past
no longer fits in my future

you've shaped me with your beauty
you've taught me with your pain
i'm grateful for each moment
these lessons are not in vain

i've no regrets, only clarity
guidelines for what i want and don't want
through you i've experienced so much
more than i had planned


i will always thank you
i will always appreciate you
i will always carry you with me
and i will always love you,


regardless

paper cuts to carpet cuts

monday morning
my coffee cup in hand
late for work
didn't want to turn on the stairway light cuz
the big boy was sleeping in the adjacent room

it's 5:45am
and i'm carefully maneuvering my tired body and
my morning cup of joe back up the stairs
to return to the bathroom so i can quickly
prepare for work

not running, walking.
aware of the four fur ball shadows
that are darting in and out of view
as if i've missed the segment in their
routine that requires i pet them each for five minutes.

climbing. careful. its dark.
but i can somewhat see the glow of the
dimly lit powder room so that's what i focus on.
bad move.

for what i couldn't see was the top stair

bam! left foot big toe barely (no pun intended) catches
the front of it, hurling me forward, and not very quietly either,
as i try to keep myself from slamming into the corner of the wall

coffee up my nose, feet pounding the floor
dancing with two left feet.  geeeezuzzz! i wanted to scream.

i gain control and assess the immediate damage when
i reach the bathroom. phew. im good.
i contained the spillage with my clothing

staring into the mirror. ouch, i think.  i look down.
blood.
all over the bathroom floor.
my left foot toe is split wide open on the underside

serious?  by carpet? had to be a nail, right?
went back but this time turned the light on
(screw the boy. he can go back to sleep)

no nail. no glass. no needle. no knife. no wire. no nothing.
just carpet.

i now wear my old man slippers all over the house

they say paper cuts are the worst thing
i beg to differ

seeing the world deeper than topical

sometimes i confuse happiness with contentment
there are times when i truly am happy but those times
are the direct result of something specific happening
for instance,
being with friends and family
eating a bowl of peanut butter and chocolate ice cream
watching my favorite tv shows or sporting event
receiving good news
getting a new job
having a day off from the new job
blah, blah and so on

contentment is not happiness
it is peace
peace is a state of mind
a state of mind which is void of
stress, turmoil, pain, depression, a "to do" list

when someone asks me if im happy
i tell them, "yes", at times
but it depends on how i choose to perceive
things, people, opportunities, events, etc.

it is not my aim to be "happy"
it is my aim to be at peace
happiness does not take work, just a decision
peace, on the other hand, does
it takes seeing the world deeper than topical
understanding that one controls absolutely nothing
and that acceptance of any given situation is possible

and when that happens...that acceptance happens
i am content

and contentment makes me happy