m.o.j.o

mojo. i looked it up on google.
i've been feeling like i lost it
without really knowing what "it" was.
i've heard that word used several different ways
and, based on that, figured i once had it.
now i don't.

2008

most painful personal growth struggle
period in my life to-date

i got to practice everything i preached during that time
and didn't do a very good job.

the first thing to go then was my job
then my precious four legged felines
then my credit
then my house
then my mojo

i thought that once i got back on my feet
all those ambitions and beliefs and outlooks
would come back

they have not.
i'm going through the motions.
i learned a very important lesson,
in my don't-be-a-drunk circle,
that you need to "fake it til you make it."

that's what i'm doing

truth be known, now that i'm working again,
now that i'm back in the rat race,
the race that built my american dream
and then took it away,
the race that i thought i wanted to be in,
train for, dream about, brag about...
"look at me, aren't i so awesome?"

that race

i miss all the free time to write.

i don't write anymore
im back in the race
tired, unprepared, un-enthused
making ends meet

mojo
google got it wrong.
my interpretation:
Move Over, Journey On

in other words:
i need to get out of my own way
quit making excuses
fake it til you make if you must
the race is not a real race
stop. sit. relax. breathe. write.

i feel better already.