two months

i pulled up to the house...finally
my ass screaming for relief from the cloth seat
it had become intimate with for the last 1700 miles

home

princess didn't notice i'd arrived and was now standing
in the middle of the driveway
she was busy negotiating gas from the neighbor
so she could finish mowing the lawn (prolly in frantic anticipation of my arrival)

home

my 2 year old grand babe, meme, didn't notice me either as
she shadowed her momma toward the garage
my eyes began to swell with joy at the sight of the lil one
then...a scream of surprise and excitement from princess, followed by a long hug
then...a smile soooo big from meme as she caught me in her sight, followed by a dash to fill
my arms with her long, slender, lovable self

home

little ones arms around my neck
she didn't want to let go
i didn't want her to let go

home

two months passed
two months on foreign longhorn land
two months of anticipation for a new career
two months of disappointment
two months of loneliness
two months of sporadic visits with the baby bro
two months of getting reacquainted with baby bro and his world
two months of sweltering heat
two months of trying to convince myself that this is where i need to be...

home

is where i need to be

but the economy, the mortgage company, and the government will decide if its where i'll stay

two months on the calendar looking backwards is a blink of an eye
two months on a calendar looking forward is eternity when you're not...

home

finding peace

leaving the longhorns and heading back to the mitten state. funny how i spent more than a month trying to adjust to a new environment, new place of residence, with no kids around, no cats around, no nothing around that i was used to...especially the weather, and then one day...one week prior to my sissie arriving to escort me home, i found peace.

where had it been all this time? was it back because i knew i was going home? was it back because i'd run out of people, places and things to blame for my circumstances? was it back because i finally surrendered?

questions, questions, questions........

answer:

it didn't come "back" at all, peace that is. it never left in the first place. it's always there. peace is a choice often neglected by the regrets of yesterday and the fear of tomorrow

neglected by our thoughts

neglected by our feelings

neglected by our own expectations

choices

be still and the choice is made for you. peace