mother myself

i realize more every day, and some days more than others, that i really want to do something that i enjoy; writing. but can i really write? do i have anything worthy of saying? can i keep my readers interested? interested in what? i don't have any formal training so what makes me think i can do this? i haven't come up with an answer

the thing with my blog is that i don't have to worry about formality, structure, grammar, etc. i can blog spot in any fashion i want and punctuation is not a prerequisite. the only audience is me

express yourself

release your thoughts into the universe and see how they sound

just write

one of my bro-in-laws has his masters in english. when i was a young adult, i used to be afraid to write to my big sis for fear that her hubby, the literary guru, would get a hold of my letters and critique my every vowel, verb, adjective, and fragmented sentence. which is stupid thinkin cuz like why the hell would he? i was intimidated by his smarts. this was just insecurity and fear

naivete

fear of revealing my shortcomings. fear of being judged. fear that i'm not good enough, which i blame on my childhood. and, yes, every once in awhile i still go there and play my victim card. i have a full deck in my pocket just in case i need 'em

stupid fear

today, i don't really give a shit about what people think. okay, that's a lie. but, at least with a blog page it doesn't matter how i write or what i write about. its not a letter to anyone. its not a novel looking for a publisher. its just me. and i promised myself i would start writing. its just me. me and the universe.

shit, shit, shit. funny word and fun to say

will i write that novel someday? maybe. am i disciplined enough? maybe. can i take criticism from others or, more importantly, can i take criticism from myself? hmm

i was surfing the internet looking for inspiration and came across some words of experience from the author of eat pray love, elizabeth gilbert.

she said:

"As for discipline – it’s important, but sort of over-rated. The more important virtue for a writer, I believe, is self-forgiveness. Because your writing will always disappoint you. Your laziness will always disappoint you. You will make vows: “I’m going to write for an hour every day,” and then you won’t do it. You will think: “I suck, I’m such a failure. I’m washed-up.” Continuing to write after that heartache of disappointment doesn’t take only discipline, but also self-forgiveness (which comes from a place of kind and encouraging and motherly love). The other thing to realize is that all writers think they suck. When I was writing “Eat, Pray, Love”, I had just as a strong a mantra of THIS SUCKS ringing through my head as anyone does when they write anything. But I had a clarion moment of truth during the process of that book. One day, when I was agonizing over how utterly bad my writing felt, I realized: “That’s actually not my problem.” The point I realized was this – I never promised the universe that I would write brilliantly; I only promised the universe that I would write".

and so i shall write

and so i shall use capital letters

and so i shall use a subject and a predicate to make a real sentence...but not in my blog :)

and so i shall mother myself