In a flash
Time has passed
I'm still standing in this place
I can't see you
I can't see me
We're wearing a different face
I didn't know what i was looking for
I thought if i could just keep moving
It would come to me
Reality fades into a stream
Of broken promises
And broken dreams
But when i wake up
Each morning next to you
I'm reminded while you sleep
That nothings really changed
My love for you remains
But I'm still not where i want to be
I wouldn't have it any other way
My journey without you
Just wouldn't be the same
And although i seek a different path
One that fuels my soul
And drives my heart to beat so fast
I wouldn't have it any other way
My journey without you
Just wouldn't be the same
Time takes on a different role
As we pass through and the
Days become old
I want you to be with me
Cause I'm not free without you
On this I'm sold
I've got things i need to do
Its driving me crazy
Its driving me home
To the place where i know
I can live my dreams
On the same playing ground as reality
But when i wake up
Each morning next to you
I'm reminded while you sleep
That nothings really changed
My love for you remains
But I'm still not where i want to be
About me
- A lil info:
- I am many things to many different people. I have few titles and fewer awards but I am complete in all that I have accomplished. My most precious of all gifts does not belong to me yet I love as if. You may know me, but you'll never really know me because I cannot be anything more than what you want to see even though I am everything I need to be.
Jan 15, 2011
Jan 7, 2011
avoid the mirrors
each day i look in the mirror i see a changing person
a girl
now a woman
a middle aged woman
as i watch my jowls chase my neck
and my ear lobes following suit
i realize how much time has really passed
since i was that scared little girl
trying to find my place
somewhere i fit in
whoosh, 40 years later
i don't feel old
until i look in that mirror
but i also see in all the lines
the cracks and crevices
the not suitable for bikinis anymore body...
accomplishment
sacrifices
victories
loss
compassion
hardships
blessings
and love
i always thought i would be afraid to grow old
but now i realize that its not age i was afraid of
but failure instead
something deeply embedded in me
failure was not an option
i know better today
for without failure
there would be no accomplishments
no victories
no loss
no self worth
and no love
for what would we use to measure these
things
measure growth
measure maturity
how would we be able to be humble
and grateful
all these emotions and marks of life
would be meaningless
for their is only one place for perfection
that place is not earth
but heaven
earth is just the ride, the journey, the path
we choose to participate in just for the heck of it
there is only one purpose of life...
to seek joy
and when we find trouble
discouragement
depression
fault
in ourselves and others
it is a reminder that we have veered off our path of joy
it's time to get back on track
again
and keep getting back on
until the day perfection is ours
seek joy
trust in your higher power
trust in yourself
avoid the mirrors
a girl
now a woman
a middle aged woman
as i watch my jowls chase my neck
and my ear lobes following suit
i realize how much time has really passed
since i was that scared little girl
trying to find my place
somewhere i fit in
whoosh, 40 years later
i don't feel old
until i look in that mirror
but i also see in all the lines
the cracks and crevices
the not suitable for bikinis anymore body...
accomplishment
sacrifices
victories
loss
compassion
hardships
blessings
and love
i always thought i would be afraid to grow old
but now i realize that its not age i was afraid of
but failure instead
something deeply embedded in me
failure was not an option
i know better today
for without failure
there would be no accomplishments
no victories
no loss
no self worth
and no love
for what would we use to measure these
things
measure growth
measure maturity
how would we be able to be humble
and grateful
all these emotions and marks of life
would be meaningless
for their is only one place for perfection
that place is not earth
but heaven
earth is just the ride, the journey, the path
we choose to participate in just for the heck of it
there is only one purpose of life...
to seek joy
and when we find trouble
discouragement
depression
fault
in ourselves and others
it is a reminder that we have veered off our path of joy
it's time to get back on track
again
and keep getting back on
until the day perfection is ours
seek joy
trust in your higher power
trust in yourself
avoid the mirrors
Dec 26, 2010
achieving balance
i have this daunting feeling that i never give enough
so there are times when i just shut down
no return phone calls
no "how you doing" just because i'm thinking of you
i just shut down
no writing
no cards
no visiting
no thoughts
people's well being is my concern
over my own
and when i fail to make them well
i fail
it's a marter's nightmare
i can never do enough
like i can never have too many drinks
or too many chocolate bars
or too many cups of coffee
until i make myself sick
i attract those less fortunate
and bleed my soul on to them
steering a herd of sheep onto the right path
and they never asked me to do it in the first place
how self righteous is that?
yes, it's selfish
when no one really wants anything from me
anything but my friendship
my companionship
my love
MY well being
no, it's not my purpose
i must give
i will
once i'm rested again
it makes me who i am
but if i am to stay sane
worthy
functional
sober
i must find balance
my sheep need me
whether they know it or not
and i need them
but for now i'm safe in my lair
until the threat of my self is gone
a place where i recoup
i regroup
i regenerate
because as much as giving of myself takes away
drains my energy
and exhausts my spirit
giving is my purpose
and i shall give what i have
one person at a time
one soul at a time
one heart at a time
and when i accept that some just can't be helped
and that its none of my business
i will have achieved balance
so there are times when i just shut down
no return phone calls
no "how you doing" just because i'm thinking of you
i just shut down
no writing
no cards
no visiting
no thoughts
people's well being is my concern
over my own
and when i fail to make them well
i fail
it's a marter's nightmare
i can never do enough
like i can never have too many drinks
or too many chocolate bars
or too many cups of coffee
until i make myself sick
i attract those less fortunate
and bleed my soul on to them
steering a herd of sheep onto the right path
and they never asked me to do it in the first place
how self righteous is that?
yes, it's selfish
when no one really wants anything from me
anything but my friendship
my companionship
my love
MY well being
no, it's not my purpose
i must give
i will
once i'm rested again
it makes me who i am
but if i am to stay sane
worthy
functional
sober
i must find balance
my sheep need me
whether they know it or not
and i need them
but for now i'm safe in my lair
until the threat of my self is gone
a place where i recoup
i regroup
i regenerate
because as much as giving of myself takes away
drains my energy
and exhausts my spirit
giving is my purpose
and i shall give what i have
one person at a time
one soul at a time
one heart at a time
and when i accept that some just can't be helped
and that its none of my business
i will have achieved balance
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