i have this daunting feeling that i never give enough
so there are times when i just shut down
no return phone calls
no "how you doing" just because i'm thinking of you
i just shut down
no writing
no cards
no visiting
no thoughts
people's well being is my concern
over my own
and when i fail to make them well
i fail
it's a marter's nightmare
i can never do enough
like i can never have too many drinks
or too many chocolate bars
or too many cups of coffee
until i make myself sick
i attract those less fortunate
and bleed my soul on to them
steering a herd of sheep onto the right path
and they never asked me to do it in the first place
how self righteous is that?
yes, it's selfish
when no one really wants anything from me
anything but my friendship
my companionship
my love
MY well being
no, it's not my purpose
i must give
i will
once i'm rested again
it makes me who i am
but if i am to stay sane
worthy
functional
sober
i must find balance
my sheep need me
whether they know it or not
and i need them
but for now i'm safe in my lair
until the threat of my self is gone
a place where i recoup
i regroup
i regenerate
because as much as giving of myself takes away
drains my energy
and exhausts my spirit
giving is my purpose
and i shall give what i have
one person at a time
one soul at a time
one heart at a time
and when i accept that some just can't be helped
and that its none of my business
i will have achieved balance
About me
- A lil info:
- I am many things to many different people. I have few titles and fewer awards but I am complete in all that I have accomplished. My most precious of all gifts does not belong to me yet I love as if. You may know me, but you'll never really know me because I cannot be anything more than what you want to see even though I am everything I need to be.
