Weekends

oh the streets are so busy
metal speeding down the pathway
to only they know where

work
friends
appointments
shopping
work

why so fast?
maybe, like i, they wait to
the last minute
to get on the fast track
savoring every moment of sleep
before they have to get up
and put on the jump suit

mario andretti school of driving
it seems

weekends

the time of living in the real world
with real people
not robots
cattle

ahh, yes, me like me some weekends

Thought Deflection

I just need to take a moment to reflect

to write
therapy
thought deflection

I can't seem to get the worry out of my body,
perpetuated by my obsessive thinking of what my daughter is
going through right now.

I remember when she was in the hospital, so, so
long ago.  She was just sixteen years old.
A terrible car accident put her there.
Put her in a coma,
broken, fragile, unconscious, lifeless

Her mother and I spending every possible
moment with her
wondering
worried
crying
foggy
should we plan for the worst?

no, that was unfathomable
no, that is not part of the plan

it was the most scared i've ever been
we will never forget
but we do heal, did heal
she healed


Although she is not going through quite
the same event with her own daughter now
her precious, beautiful five year old
who needs open heart surgery
she goes through the same emotions
the same worries
the fear of the unknown

her baby is sick
that's all she knows
her baby will be hurting
that's all she fears

we knew she was in good hands some
fourteen years ago
and her little girl will be in good hands as
well this week
that doesn't always comfort us enough though
this i know
if she could just feel the trust we most certainly CAN trust
that just like her, her baby will be absolutely fine

know it
believe it
draw on all the powerful, positive
energy that our God gives us through
the bonds we have in family and friends

if she could just feel that
feel it from me
her Mother
her siblings
God works through us, honey

if she could

but i know that's hard
i've been there
so, i'll be that for her
we'll be that for her
all of us
all that care
care enough to say a prayer

care

caring

caring enough

caring is enough

all that matters is our collective thoughts
sending nothing but caring
her way, and her baby's way

and so it is

m.o.j.o

mojo. i looked it up on google.
i've been feeling like i lost it
without really knowing what "it" was.
i've heard that word used several different ways
and, based on that, figured i once had it.
now i don't.

2008

most painful personal growth struggle
period in my life to-date

i got to practice everything i preached during that time
and didn't do a very good job.

the first thing to go then was my job
then my precious four legged felines
then my credit
then my house
then my mojo

i thought that once i got back on my feet
all those ambitions and beliefs and outlooks
would come back

they have not.
i'm going through the motions.
i learned a very important lesson,
in my don't-be-a-drunk circle,
that you need to "fake it til you make it."

that's what i'm doing

truth be known, now that i'm working again,
now that i'm back in the rat race,
the race that built my american dream
and then took it away,
the race that i thought i wanted to be in,
train for, dream about, brag about...
"look at me, aren't i so awesome?"

that race

i miss all the free time to write.

i don't write anymore
im back in the race
tired, unprepared, un-enthused
making ends meet

mojo
google got it wrong.
my interpretation:
Move Over, Journey On

in other words:
i need to get out of my own way
quit making excuses
fake it til you make if you must
the race is not a real race
stop. sit. relax. breathe. write.

i feel better already.