IRS and a trash can

Friday, 12:35pm

my son calls me at work this afternoon in a panic.
"do you know where my income tax check is?"

??????

immediately, before i answer,
because i don't know how to answer,
i rummage through my mind.

nothing.

"what do you mean?" I asked.
i know what he means
i needed more time to think
i had this sick feeling that i
had something to do with his distress.

then it hit me.  i cleaned!
dammit!  i cleaned again!
my turn to panic.

"my IRS check!" he replied.

"where was it?" I asked, stalling.
it was on the table...i knew that.

more stalling questions, "did you take it out of the envelope?"
i know he didn't, otherwise he would not be calling.

he tells me, "noooo, i was waiting until i cashed it."
i def know where it's at.

hurry, quick!  go on the defense!
yell at him for not taking the check
out of the envelope!
scream at him for being irresponsible
for leaving it laying around on the table for seven days!

i knew he didn't cash it right away.
he is not one that likes to race to the bank
or race anywhere.  he likes to take his time and
plan everything, plan every move, every decision with care
and precision.

i'm the same way.  i just call it procrastination.

i don't yell at him.  i give in.  it's my fault.

"it's in the garbage can", i tell him, and wait
for the melt down.

I remember cleaning up the table and saw the torn open envelope with
"united states treasury" written in the upper
left hand corner.  i was certain he removed the check and
didn't give it a second thought.  it's money, right?
who leaves money laying around?

well, the melt down didn't happen but, needless to say,
he was not happy.  i could tell by his seemingly
forced silence.

i told him to just "look in the trash can" and get it out.

he said, "is there food in it? with a gruff tone, appalled
that i would suggest such a thing.

"yes," i said, "IT'S a GARBAGE can, just look!

he didn't look.  i knew he wouldn't.  the thought of touching
leftovers from the past two days (which there weren't many
since i'm an avid recycler and routine user of my garbage disposal)
was more than he could handle. 

he convinced me that i took that bag of garbage out Wednesday
night.  trash day was Thursday.

i bought it.
i contacted IRS.
got the information i needed.
prepared to go through the red tape to get him
a replacement check.
even offered to give him the money until the new
check came in.  he politely declined.
said he could wait...it was just going into his savings account.
good little saver he is.

later that night he left for his girlfriends house.
i headed to the computer to start the
process of redeeming myself.

but...wait...i KNOW i didn't throw that bag away.

i checked.

pulled out all the fermenting and decaying fruit, wing
bones, coffee grounds, lettuce leaves, snot rags (Kleenex)
and Clorox wipes until i reached the very bottom.

a check. it might not smell very good but it's still worth the same.

the moral of the story?  be sure to check the inside of someone else's
envelopes before you throw them away.

wait. no, it's this: take care of your damn check, son!

I just love that boy!