About me

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I am many things to many different people. I have few titles and fewer awards but I am complete in all that I have accomplished. My most precious of all gifts does not belong to me yet I love as if. You may know me, but you'll never really know me because I cannot be anything more than what you want to see even though I am everything I need to be.

May 20, 2009

cat litter, fur balls and unconditional love


dear grace, ben and gretta~

mama misses you. i can't wait to share that unconditional love with you. okay, i know we have "conditions". lets see if i can remember

i know you want to be fed, watered, let outside, throw
your coat where ever you want to in the house (fur), sleep where ever you want,
including on my head. i know
you want to be able to walk on anything, including my head, and my computer, my stove, my table. i know you want to watch me pee and poo
(i need to fix the latches on those doors!). i know you want to have all the closets open

i know you want me to brush your hair,
pick burrs off your body and make you feel better when you are ill. and when you leave piles of yucky from your belly on the floor, you want me to hear that you did (that sound is awful!). i know when you leave me the results of your hunting expeditions on the deck or in the garage that this is a gift. i know you want a clean poo box (or else)

and most important, i know you don't want me to ever yell at you, harm you or leave you

all these things i promise to provide you to the best of my ability

how'd i do?

mama's comin home

my ego speaks loud and clear

"a genuine relationship is one that is not dominated by the ego with its image-making and self-seeking

in a genuine relationship, there is an outward flow of open, alert attention toward the other person in which there is no wanting whatsoever"

-Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth (chapter three)

when i don't get what i want

when i do get what i want

when others don't behave like i want

when others have what i want

when i don't have enough

when i have too much

when the world is unfair, cruel, victimizing

ego speaks to me...i hear you

shut up!

May 18, 2009

an evening at the RV park

4:00 pm- talk on phone til 5:00 pm

5:00 pm- talk on phone until 6:00 pm

6:00 pm- return calls missed while talking on phone from 4:00 pm to 6:00 pm

7:12ish pm- eat something. anything. how many deli turkey w/mayo & dijon on corn tortillia shells can a person eat in one day? answer: six

7:13ish pm- talk on phone til...shit, i don't know, i lost track

8:22 pm?????- talk on phone. tell same story already told 3 times that day

10:33 pm or something. hell, i don't know what time it is now. i'm on the fuckin' phone!

10:35 pm, maybe? damn battery is dead! marathon phone conversations will do that...i've learned

10:40 pm. plug phone in on outside of camper so i can smoke...and talk...on the phone

10:50 pm. my ear is on fire and has been for the last 3 hours. the phone got so hot it melted and is now part of my head

11:20 pm. finally! off the phone. turn t.v. on

11:25 pm. play on computer instead of watch t.v. i can't hear a damn thing they're saying. i think the volume's broke

12:54 am. my ass is sore from sitting at the computer. turn on t.v. again. use sub-titles.

3:30 am to ??????. go to bed. good nite, Austin.